To Change or Not To Change...

Is It Really a Choice?

(Photo Credit: Hamid Tajik)

Change, whether we seek it or it finds us, has a way of calling us inward to the depths of discovering our own potential. It nudges us to examine what we’re clinging to, asking us to confront the self-limiting beliefs that quietly loop through our minds—those toxic thoughts that keep us playing small, trapped in a cycle of fear and doubt.

I have encountered this with many clients and students over the course of my career. Experiences described as nervousness and anxiety-ridden and of course resulting in the avoidance and resistance to change as a whole. Many of us have witnessed or experienced these feelings in our work environments when change initiatives are introduced. 

This fall season has been one that has challenged me on a personal level with so much change in the moment and knowing there is more on the horizon. I feel like I have been stretching physically and psychologically, testing my personal limits of discomfort. There have been moments where I have met this uncertainty and angst with tears, others with reflective contemplation and curiosity. I have vented in conversations with people I trust with hopes of gaining insight or different perspectives, which have been very helpful in supporting me to progress through this transformative time. I really have been trying to make the most of it as I know it is an opportunity for me to grow and even though difficult, will also pass.

But how often do we find ourselves weighed down by these familiar phrases or thoughts: “Life is hard,” “I’m not enough,” or “Things will never change”? These words feel like undeniable truths, but they are walls and barriers we construct, boxing us into our own narrow, three-dimensional world where our actions feel controlled by our fear. This fear keeps us from the expansive, boundless spirit within, that could otherwise guide us through the challenge. These toxic beliefs come from our ego’s protective instinct, clinging to what feels safe and predictable, and shielding us from real potential growth. Moving beyond our ego and this toxic thinking, leads us towards a deeper truth, our spirit, which offers a limitless view of who we are and what’s possible.

I have spent so much of my life, the first 50 years, battling an inner conflict that has been fed and reinforced by external messages telling me “I can’t, it’s not for me, I am not deserving or good enough.” I have also experienced different kinds of success countering these thoughts all along the way, showing me there is more, if I am willing. But willing to what?

Even in these moments when we reach what we have strived for, it’s easy to assume we have “arrived.” Yet life teaches us that growth doesn’t end with a single achievement, a series of them, or a finish line. Our potential and growth keep unfolding as our journey has not ended. When we let go of thinking that we will find lasting peace in these fixed outcomes, we open ourselves up to more than just our limited perceived fulfillment. We give ourselves the opportunity to expand our vision of what is possible, sometimes realizing more than we ever imagined for ourselves. The real measure of a life well-lived is not in the finish lines we think we have crossed, but in the open-hearted willingness to keep discovering, keep evolving with each stepping stone.

Now reflecting back on my milestone successes, I see them as triumphs to the conflicts and battles, internal or external, that I have overcome along the way. Leaving some more scraped, bruised, or bleeding than others, but always as a better, truer version of myself. More evolved, more refined and clearer on who and what I am. Now, as I round out my half century, I believe it’s time to put some of these battles to rest and win the war, at least the one I can control and have the most influence over, which is between the Beast and God Within myself.

As change sweeps through, it invites us to consider what no longer serves us, like the toxic beliefs, patterns, and “shoulds” that intensify stress, fear, and uncertainty amplifying anxiety. But there is another way to meet inevitable change without this kind of angst. Imagine being invited to stay calm, to ease the grip of fear with more confidence by remaining rooted in something deeper than our ego’s protective hold on us.

It is about quieting the ego, our toxic thoughts and turning our inner conflicts, the internal war, into calm confidence of who we are. Knowing thyself and loving thyself. This allows us to navigate the external world and change with more peace, less worry, and anxiety. Life feels more manageable and enjoyable. 

If we identify solely with our ego, we are at the mercy and measure of every success and setback. Every up and down is dependent on each outcome. But by tuning deeper into our core self, we discover a pure part of ourselves that remains untouched by the superficial and can weather any storm with affirming steadiness. This does not mean we stop feeling or experiencing fear or doubt. But we are reminded of our capable, resilient human spirit that is able to move through this turbulence with grace and self-assurance.

Despite this season being a challenging one for me, I have to admit that I am nervously excited about what the future holds. I believe I have gotten to this place because I have finally ceased to engage in the internal battles and wars, instead preserving this energy to support the change and challenges I face externally. This doesn’t mean the ego, beast, or toxic thoughts no longer exist. It just means that I no longer face them with fear, anxiety, or uncertainty. 

Time, forward momentum, and growth do not stop. We may not notice this, as we are ever evolving ourselves. Those who lean into this organic flow of change with open hearts and minds feel a gentle grace, a subtle guidance, that unfolds and reveals our true course. As we release ourselves from the need to control and measure every outcome, we allow ourselves to live and be present in each moment, more self-assured. Change is here, and it’s asking us to take the next step, to let go of what “should” be and instead embrace “what is” and “who you are.”

You have a choice, right here and now: Will you allow yourself to cling to limiting beliefs hindering you, or will you step forward, open to the unknown, stretching towards potential? When we welcome change with open hands, hearts, and minds, we create space for our new purpose and opportunities for growth from the most unexpected sources. This shift causes our toxic thoughts to fade, leaving room for clarity, resilience, and renewal.

Whether this moment feels like the beginning of a new chapter or the end of a familiar one, change has come to awaken us, disrupting our being comfortable. Each of us experiences it in our own way, but we are all united by the opportunity to grow through our journey. Let’s allow ourselves to be inspired by the possibilities that lie beyond what we know or expect. With open hearts and resilient spirits, let’s step into this season of change as a doorway to what’s next and possible. It may just lead us somewhere extraordinary.

I would love to hear what’s different in your season of change. Leave a comment below.